Humour

Poor and Dirty

By Ryan McGreal
Published December 01, 2008

Your humble editor presents a modest tribute to the Hamilton Spectator report, "Poor and dirty", published November 27, 2008.

Poor and Dirty

They see us rollin'
On the highway
The city doesn't look so pretty from the Skyway
Hamilton's so poor and dirty
Yeah we're just so poor and dirty
Can't you see we're poor and dirty
Look at me I'm poor and dirty

Black soot is belchin'
From the smokestack
And we slog right through the smog try not to have a heart attack
Hamilton's so poor and dirty
Yeah we're just so poor and dirty
Can't you see we're poor and dirty
Look at me I'm poor and dirty

Why does the Hamilton Spectator
Always gotta be a player-hater
Makin' more excuses for the freighter
Loading into the tractor-trailer

Cruisin' down my street all day
Nowhere safe for the kids to play
Thumpin bass is the case when you in a race
Down Main and I'll catch you later

Watch your back 'cause I'm drivin' blind
With the glitterati I've wined and dined
Thought nobody would mind
I'm idlin' but I won't get fined

Droppin pesticides on the floor
One way streets runnin' through the core
Council meetings are such a bore
Goin' 64 in my drop six-four

Gangstas catchin' that sweet green wave
On the road that's so newly paved
Pedestrians best get out my way
'Cause on the gas pedal my foot will stay

Dennis Corr be measurin' the poison
Breathin' air like the sauce from Hoisin
If you be frontin' I call my boyz in
They got my back when I bring the noize in

Police be rollin'
On they Segway
Riding they Cannondales on sidewalks and the wrong way
Hamilton's so poor and dirty
Yeah we're just so poor and dirty
Can't you see we're poor and dirty
Look at me I'm poor and dirty

But we roll with
The punches
The wrong assumptions got some gumption don't give in to your hunches
Hamilton's so poor and dirty
Yeah we're just so poor and dirty
Can't you see we're poor and dirty
Got to see we're poor and dirty

Got no time to think of pollution
What's the cause or what's the the solution
At least it's not electrocution
Maybe we should try dilution

City Council don't know what's true
And you wonder just what they'll do
Then you hear Councillor Merulla
Singin' "I'm comin' after you!"

Stick they heads right in the sand'll
Be pavin' farmland just like a vandal
Beggin' the feds to help clean up Randle
Losin' they marbles while they stick-handle

If I was gonna make a bet, man
I wouldn't lay the fetti on Gary Bettman
'Cause all his dissin' be makin me fret, man
If I was him I'd be startin' to sweat, man

When I be makin' moves on a filly
I try to move like Jim Balsillie
Goin after Nashville, bringin all his cashville
Gettin in his way is just plain silly

Yeah that's my message to the NHL
And if I hear another person tell
The joke that goes "Kiss me where it smells"
I swear I'm gonna see you all in hell

We hopin' Red Hill
Will save us
We look the other way, hope big box stores will pave us
Hamilton's so poor and dirty
Yeah we're just so poor and dirty
Can't you see we're poor and dirty
Got to see we're poor and dirty

We're tired of being
The punchline
It's not a crime to find you're working' the assembly line
Hamilton's so poor and dirty
Yeah we're just so poor and dirty
Can't you see we're poor and dirty
Look at me I'm poor and dirty

(With apologies to both Chamillionaire and Weird Al Yankovic)

Ryan McGreal, the editor of Raise the Hammer, lives in Hamilton with his family and works as a programmer, writer and consultant. Ryan volunteers with Hamilton Light Rail, a citizen group dedicated to bringing light rail transit to Hamilton. Ryan writes a city affairs column in Hamilton Magazine, and several of his articles have been published in the Hamilton Spectator. He also maintains a personal website and has been known to post passing thoughts on Twitter @RyanMcGreal. Recently, he took the plunge and finally joined Facebook.

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By jason (registered) | Posted December 01, 2008 at 09:42:42

haha...too funny!

When I read that headline last week the first thing I thought of was "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al. LOL.

Good job Ryan.

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By over thirty (anonymous) | Posted December 01, 2008 at 13:51:30

hahahaha same here, first thing I thought when I opened the spec on friday, "wheres weird al when you need him?" This is the next best thing though.

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By comedygold (anonymous) | Posted December 01, 2008 at 14:06:20

Comedy gold right here. You should try to get this published in the spec! I bet they've got a sense of humour....

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[ - ]

By Chris (registered) | Posted December 02, 2008 at 18:52:14

Yeah the spec will post anything these days.

Very well written and hilarious!

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