Comment 72794

By satire (anonymous) | Posted January 06, 2012 at 15:10:12

The mayor of my city was a pedantic, pompous, preposterous, pretentious, poisonous package of pointlessness. A year into her term, the bumbling, crumbling, grumbling, fumbling, humbling, mumbling, stumbling, stunningly, numbingly dumb mayor, gave her best girlfriend, Ade, a huge raise.

“Ade-gate” consumed the city and put the mayor and her BFF under close scrutiny. Their resumes showed the mayor and Ade had been unemployed baby boomers without families and few friends. Both spent an inordinate amount of time slithering through the internet insulting and terrorising people, while congratulating one another, which well-qualified them for their current roles.

The mayor and her chief of Town Halls were thin skinned, angry, venomousness, vitriolic dispensers of hatred online. A local newspaper uncovered the mayor’s office had also hired a covert staff to apologise to citizens on behalf of the mayor and her BFF, in an obvious act of damage control. The apologists were sent forth with the following script, which was leaked to the paper.

Dear Citizen,

I’m sorry the mayor (and/or her BFF) was mean to you online. She’s not really like that. She’s nice. Trust me. She smiles in person. We have coffee and deep, meaningful, intelligent, insightful, paradigm-changing discussions. Jealous? Don’t be. You wouldn’t understand.


Then I woke up and realized their dream was a nightmare.

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